The Buoy Is Back In Town, Making Waves!

June 26th, 2010 |

Reid Stowe has been smooth sailing the media waves after returning from his three-year wet dream to sail around the world without land stops. As he drifted to a dock for the first time in 1,152 days, he choked back tears, acknowledging his parents and greeting his 23- month-old son for the first time.

Reid Stowe broke the record at sea and took his place as water cooler conversation. Not since Captain Sully took on feathered evil doers and saved a plane full of lives landing in the Hudson has there been so much excitement on our oily waterways (oh right, except for that other record breaker this year, BP). The alerted press stationed and readied their cameras as Reid Stowe went from loner in water to wet wipes on land. No sign of a shell shocked man as he spoke for the cameras and united with his family. It’s the good ending for a man that has the same look on his face as the charismatic and tragic bear lover/ bear dinner, Timothy Treadwell. And the resourcefulness of the young nomad, Christopher McCandless. His story, among others in the book Into The Wild, was later made into stinging recreation on celluloid. Read the rest of this entry »

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Rocky Mills

Gray Pride! Gray Powell Lost an iPhone Prototype and Found New Friends!

April 20th, 2010 |

Does it really suck to be Gray Powell right now? C’mon! This might be the best/worst day of his life! In the last second there were 65 more tweets about Gray Powell. The world is on your side, Gray POWER! Nonstop supportive tweets to comfort him for his common human blunder. Gizmodo contributor, Jesus Diaz, is the one in the Twitter shitter for ratting out beloved Gray Powell. While everyone else keeps the live feed going on this epic leak of, ummmmm, a fucking phone, I am wondering what Gray Powell is doing… right this second!

1. Browsing the gun selection at Walmart
2. Eating a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and watching Dancing With The Stars
3. Getting a tattoo, shaving his head and bashing out car windows with an umbrella
4. Drinking free pints of Hofbrau at the Gourmet Haus Stadt while high-fiving douche bags
5. Getting a BIG blow job from Steve Jobs. That’s totally not PC.

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Rocky Mills

Are You A Total Ass Swype? Samsung Is First to Feature “Swype,” Super Fast Texting…(Shrug)

April 8th, 2010 |

Samsung might have a smart new phone, but they somehow forgot that most people would be drooling over iPads right now. This doesn’t necessarily help their “record breaking” ad campaign for the new Omnia II, but even if this phone dispensed cash, it just can’t compete with Big Mac…intosh.

Judging from the commercial, this new feature may require some graceful and concise fingering…(clearing throat sound). Grazing the touch screen from letter to letter to create words. No more typing. For me this just means more time erasing. The feature tries to make sense and connect the letters you “swype.” It kinda reminds me of that old T9 crap- always assuming some G-Rated word you had no intention of using. Strangely enough, I know people that – by some miracle – found this process useful. And in its infancy, it’s hard to say if the swyping feature will become popular – or prove to be efficient for speedy texting.

Does the world really need faster texting? Maybe we do. Maybe if we could get a text banged out quicker we would stop fiddling with our phones and get back to socializing with the person next to us.

It’s time to admit we have a problem. We religiously text rather than talk; I even used to have a voicemail that said, “hang up and send a text.”  As my professional role as Whiney Hypocrite requires, I must express my total annoyance when I am in the company of someone who seems to be half-listening as they read and write texts, interrupting as I endlessly vent my latest grievances.  And I feel shameful for my own incessant texting… okay maybe not.

The evolution of connecting via text and its presence in social situations actually is a total disconnect within our actual physical environment. At some point, we are going to celebrate the days when we forgot our phone at home.

For now though, I predict that the Samsung Omnia II will just be another recycled piece of plastic and will be outdated before all the phones have shipped out from the manufacturing warehouse. Oh, Apple, how you have seduced us all. It seems like everyone I know is sporting the iPhone, just rubbing it in my face! If you don’t have an iPhone, you probably have a Blackberry. But if you’re me, you have this: Read the rest of this entry »

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